


Warmth, Safety, and Sickness

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Affair Era Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Angst, Background Relationships, Bechdel Test Fail, Bottle Episode Fic, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Hotel Room Setting, Infidelity, Introspection, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Minor Chrissie Sugden/Robert Sugden, POV Aaron Dingle, POV Male Character, POV Queer Character, Romance, Self-Reflection, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: During the affair, in a hotel room with a sick Robert, Aaron reflects on things. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

As soon as they got to the hotel room, Robert stripped down to his pants and curled up on the bed, and now, after Aaron’s managed to get some food and a brew into him, Robert shivers and murmurs.

“Told ya, you were getting sick,” Aaron sighs. “I swear, mate, if you get me sick-”

Pulling the covers up more tightly over Robert, he wraps his arms around him. Robert usually sleeps with an arm draped over him, but occasionally, Robert will sleep on his back. “Anything special I’m going to need to do, not that you deserve it?”

“I’m not sick,” Robert informs him. “Chrissie would kill me if I got sick right now. We have…”

Closing his eyes, he tunes out the words and tries to focus on the rise and fall of Robert’s chest and stomach.

Part of him can’t help but wonder if Chrissie lies there at night focusing on the same feeling or, worse, if Robert wraps an arm around her, and she feels so safe and drowsy she effortlessly falls into sleep. He’s had bad dreams all his life, but they hardly ever come when someone he feels safe with is in bed with him.

It seems Robert is always worried about Chrissie’s anger or annoyance, and admittedly, given what Robert is doing to her-

Chrissie genuinely loves Robert, Aaron knows, but what she expects from him and what Aaron does are vastly different, and he thinks Robert would do better with his than hers.

He knows better, but there are times when he wants to say, _You really don’t need all the money. I know I can’t offer much, but the Woolpack is warm, and everyone knows Dingles always have plenty of food. It might take some time, but you could find a different job you like just as much. Eventually, we could find our own place. I might get annoyed at you a lot, too, but it’s because, I know you’re a better person than you let yourself be. I don’t mind that you kick me in your sleep, and I wouldn’t make ya feel bad for being sick when some party is coming up._

Accident or not, Katie is dead due to him and Robert, Robert calls himself straight despite the fact Aaron’s literally made him beg, and in something Aaron’s forced to admit he understands too well, Robert can’t let past insults and hurts go. Robert is often too clever for his own good, and it takes a lot to get him to care about other people.

He can’t deny any of this, but if he could, he’d get Robert and everyone else to see: Robert has so much kindness buried deep inside. When he doesn’t take things too personally, he can be calm and reasonable and all but force others to be the same. His creativity can be amazing to see.

Whether it’s good or bad depends on what he’s doing at the moment, but most of what he does is about trying to feel safe and happy.

Aaron knows he likely wouldn’t be enough –Robert has cheated on every person he’s ever been serious with-, but if he were, he could make Robert feel safe, at least.

Robert’s only fooling himself about being happy right now, he doesn’t really know what would make him happy, but if Aaron’s honest, he doubts feeling safe would be worth living in a crowded house in the town Robert left at nineteen.

He wishes it were. He wishes he were better at talking, and he wishes Robert would talk to him more.  

“Thank you,” Robert yawns out. He turns his head. “I love you, Aaron.”

He knows Robert wants him to say it back, and whenever he hears it, his heart literally reacts in his chest, but- he doesn’t feel safe. Declarations of love have never gone right or smooth. He was too scared to say it to Jackson, and then, it was too late. Ed, he does love Ed, but it wasn’t fair for Ed to keep pouring everything into him when he couldn’t return most of it. Katie, she died almost right after he said it to Robert, and aside from his brilliant plan to try to out someone, maybe, if he hadn’t caused so much to turmoil in Robert, Robert would have handled things better.

“No problem,” he says. “Get some rest, yeah? If you aren’t better in the morning, I’ll call Chrissie, tell her I ran into ya while I was on a trip for Cain, and that I’ll drive you back.”

His mum and Paddy are definitely going to give him hell, he knows, but he’ll figure out how to deal with them with the time comes.

“No,” Robert protests.

“Yes,” he says. “If you are getting sick, ya don’t need to try concentrating on driving.”

Robert makes vague, unhappy noises, but he also gets Aaron underneath the covers, sneaks his arms under Aaron’s shirt, and presses cold hands against Aaron’s skin.

Huffing, Aaron responds, “Really, mate?”

Robert gives a tiny nod.

He’s not so soft he’d ever say it, but ‘adorable’ might come to mind. Even more, he thinks Robert was going for one of his cocky, almost careless nods, but this one was so far from it-

“I’m sorry,” Robert continues. “For getting sick. I wanted this to be nice for you.”

“Hey, it happens. Try to sleep now. I’m right here.”

“You’ll get sick, too.”

“And you can pay for that then, yeah? It’ll be alright.”

“I could get ya another room.”

“So I can worry about you all night, wondering why your kicking isn’t starting? Go to sleep, Robert. We’ll figure things out in the morning.” Reaching up, he kisses Robert’s cheek, rearranges Robert’s hands and arms, and curls more tightly around him.

Soft snores fill the room.

 _I love you, too_ , Aaron lets himself think.


End file.
